


not

by prettyhearse



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Misgendering, Trans Female Character, tiny trans girl dipper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3655275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyhearse/pseuds/prettyhearse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper Pines is not a boy. She's a girl; always has been, always will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not

**Author's Note:**

> the trans girl dipper the world needed. warning for brief misgendering and mentions of dysphoria. i love to die

Dipper Pines is not a boy.

 

It's something she feels like she's known for a long time, but she only really realises it when she starts reading a book she found in the young adult section of the library. It's a thin book, with a plain cover that she found with the other books about puberty and growing up. The cover had said “The Basics of Gender and Sexuality For Teens”, but she covered it with the dust cover from one of her mystery books. It was awkward enough checking it out of the library, and the last thing she needed was someone finding it and asking why she had it.

 

The minute Mabel turns the attic light out she pulls the book out from under her pillow and starts reading. She skips over the sexuality section; she doesn't need to read that. Instead she flicks to a page in the middle of the book, with Gender written across the top in goofy writing. There's a list of generic questions with page numbers beside them running down the page. Dipper feels her heart skip a beat when she sees the question “Am I 'Transgender'?” written half way down the page. She takes a deep breath and looks behind her, just to make sure no ones reading over her shoulder, then she flicks to the page and starts reading it.

 

She reads it. And then she reads it again. And again. She reads it over and over until the page blurs and she realises she's crying.

 

The book's definition is very... textbook. It's straightforward and simplified, from a medical point of view, but it feels like it fits. Things start to make sense and Dipper realises that she really is a girl.

 

For a moment it feels like an immense weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She can finally understand why she was always so envious of Mabel's stuff, why she always wanted to do things that her parents said only girls could do, why she felt so uncomfortable when she was told to “man up”. All those years of feeling awkward and confused all finally explained. But just as it feels like that weight is gone, another much heavier one comes crashing down.

 

Everyone still thinks she a boy. She’s still a “he”, a son, a brother, a nephew, a boy. She still has to be manly and act like a boy and do boy things. There's no way she can tell anyone. Her family thinks she's weird enough as is. Stan already makes fun of her enough for being “too girly”. People have been commenting on how effeminate she is for years now, and they always said it as if it were a bad thing.

 

She thinks about her parents, her dad especially. He had always wanted her to be a proper little man, from a very young age. He always seemed so… so disappointed when Dipper said she’d rather do the things Mabel did, when she tried to play with Mabel’s dolls, when she said she’d rather help Mabel with arts and crafts than play sports.

 

_“C'mon son, those are girls' toys. You can't play with them!”_

_“Art and crafts? Isn't that a bit girly, Dipper? Wouldn't you prefer to do football with the other boys?”_

_“Playing with your sister again? Wouldn’t you rather play outside with those boys?”_

  


She tried to argue with him, but her mother always butted in, laughing it off and muttering something about her and Mabel being inseparable, how her wanting to do things with Mabel was one of those “weird twin things”.

 

Dipper closed her eyes and banged her head against the headboard behind her. Now she finally understood why their dad pissed her off so much. He always freaked out if Dipper wanted to do something he deemed “too girly”. He even talked about giving her a new little brother so she wouldn't have to spend too much time around her sister. It made her feel sick.

 

That makes her think. What about Mabel? She loved Dipper as a brother, but would she still love her as a sister? Dipper wasn't so sure. Something like that was too weird even for Mabel.

 

Dipper throws the book to the bottom of her bed in frustration, feeling more confused than ever. Her book light gets knocked out of place and shine across the room directly onto Mabel's bed, making the girl groan.

 

“Dipper... turn it off...”

 

She sighs and is about to reach down to retrieve her book, but then an idea hits her.

 

“Hey... Mabel?” she calls quietly.

 

“Go to sleep...” her sister mumbled, pulling her pillow over her head.

 

“I need to ask you something.”

 

“Ask tomorrow...”

 

Dipper fidgets with her blanket impatiently, “Please Mabel, it's important!”

 

Mabel lets out an exaggerated sigh, but sits up, rubbing her eyes tiredly. “Whaaatt?”

 

“Uh... I was just...” Dipper rolls over onto her back and stares at the ceiling, “Um... have you ever wished you were uh... another gender?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Dipper rolled her eyes, “Have you ever wished you were a boy?”

 

“Well, of course!” Mabel replies, suddenly sounding very awake, “Boys have it sooo easy, and you get to do so much cool stuff and wear cologne and have short hair and pla-”

 

“No, I mean like...” Dipper ran her hands through her hair, trying to think of the best way to phrase it, “Have you ever hated being a girl? Or people calling you a girl?”

 

Mabel is quiet for a minute, “Well, sometimes? I don't mind people calling me a girl but sometimes when you and dad or Soos do boy stuff I feel left out and wish I was a guy too.”

 

Dipper feels a slight pang, but ignores it, “So you don't hate being a girl?”

 

“Nope!” She can feel Mabel staring right at her from across the room, “Why'd you ask? Do you hate being a boy or something?”

 

Dipper feels her heart start beating faster, “N-No! Of course not, haha... Being a guy is... great. Yeah it's really cool...”

 

“Then why'd you ask?”

 

“I dunno! I was just wondering,” she felt herself starting to panic and wished she'd never asked. She sits up and picks her book up, turning out her booklight and yawning very loudly, “Boy, I sure am tired now. G'night Mabel!” she says quickly, shoving the book under her pillow and pulling her blankets over her head.

 

Mabel doesn't say anything for a moment, dazed. “Uh, good night, Dipper?”

 

She hears her sister slide back under her pillow and toss and turn for a minute, then she's quiet again.

 

Dipper buries her face in her pillow and takes a deep breath. Maybe it was just a phase. Maybe she’d wake up tomorrow and want to be a boy. But maybe she wouldn’t… It was just all so confusing.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Dipper feels more uncomfortable than she usually does. She didn’t wake up and want to be a boy. She woke up feeling the same as she did most days, but now she finally knew what that feeling was. She felt like a girl, and she was dreading today.

 

Now that’s she’s fairly certain of what she is, being called a “he” makes her feel even weirder than before.

 

“Boy”, “dude”, “bro”, “son”, “he”, she just wants to turn around and scream , “I’m not a boy!”, but she can’t.

 

Another terrifying realisation hits her when she’s talking to Wendy. Wendy is telling her some stupid story about something her friend did, not that Dipper paid much attention. She was too busy gazing into her gorgeous eyes and breathing in the beautiful smell of her perfume, and that’s when it hits her. She’s a girl. Wendy’s a girl. She’s a girl who likes another girl.

 

She’s gay.

 

Dipper nearly falls over.

 

She quickly excuses herself, mumbling something about feeling faint and needing air. She runs outside and sits on the steps, burying her face in her hands.

 

A memory of her mother giving her the “It’s Okay To Be Gay” speech comes back to her, but it doesn’t help. Her mom meant it was okay if she was a boy who liked boys. Everyone thought that was what she was. Of course, she’d freaked out and assured her mother that she was completely straight, because she liked girls, but that was when she thought she was something else. She wishes she did like boys, because then she’d be a little less weird.

 

“Dipper? Are you crying?”

 

Dipper looks up and turns around. Mabel is standing behind her, holding a large bag that looks like it’s about to burst open any minute.

 

“No! I was just… resting,” she says.

 

“‘Resting’? But it’s only 4 o’clock!” Mabel says, moving to stand beside her on the steps.

 

“Uh… I’m tired.”

 

“That’s what you get for staying up all night reading, silly!” Mabel nudges her knee with her foot.

 

Dipper grins and elbows her leg in response, “What’s with the bag?”

 

“Oh, I’m sleeping over in Grenda’s house! Candy got a new hair curler and they’re gonna give me ringlets!” Mabel says excitedly, tossing her hair.

 

“Your hair’s curly enough as is, though.”

 

“Yeah, but ringlets are different, Dipper. You wouldn’t understand.”

Dipper smiles weakly. “Yeah…”

 

“An-y-ways, I gotta get going! Don’t miss me too much!” Mabel reaches down and yanks Dipper up, giving her a tight, one-armed hug, “Bye, Dipper!”

 

“Later, Mabel,” Dipper says and hugs her back, and then she’s gone, dragging her ridiculously large bag away with her.

 

As annoying and loud as the girls’ sleepovers are, Dipper couldn’t help but wish she could join in sometimes. That dumb dream date board game and Grenda’s terrible romance novels didn’t interest her at all (in fact, they grossed her out more than anything), but the makeovers and hair-brushing and clothes-swapping were something she’d always wanted to be a part of.

 

The “makeovers” that involved her being held down and drawn on with lipstick against her will didn’t count.

 

She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them, looking off into the woods, remembering something that happened at the very start of the summer. Their mother had taken them both out shopping to get clothes for the summer, and she was buying Mabel girl things; dresses, makeup, bras, panties.

 

Dipper had to awkwardly trail around after them of course. She pretended to be embarrassed and grossed out and asked if she could wait somewhere else, but she couldn’t help but stare at the racks of pretty lingerie, and all she wanted to do was smear tester makeup on her face.

 

Their mother caught her gazing at a rack of bras and laughed nervously, grabbing her by the shoulders and steering her away while mumbling something about how “boys will be boys”.

 

_“Me and your sister need to buy some girly things, you can go off by yourself if you want.”_

 

She wanted to stick around, but that would be weird, so she obliged and stalked off to stare at shoes. She still wished she could have at least felt some of the lingerie. Not in a creepy way, they all just looked so pretty and soft. Their intricate lace and beading, all the pretty frills and designs, she just wished she had the chest to wear bras like that.

 

Dipper pushes her knees into her flat chest and sighs. Would regular girls’ clothes even fit her? She didn’t have curves, her chest was flat, and there was no way she could find out any way. It would make her look weird if she went a bought a skirt from the store.

 

Then an idea hits her.

 

Mabel isn’t home. And all her clothes and leftover makeup is in their room. Her girl clothes.

 

Dipper jumps up and runs upstairs, feeling giddy.

 

* * *

 

 

The floor of the attic is coated with sweaters and skirts and socks. Mabel was always very enthusiastic when it came to packing, so much so she never seemed to notice the mess she’d leave behind. Dipper sighs and kneels down on the floor to pick up the clothes. She can’t stand it when the room is a mess.

 

She doesn’t want one of Mabel’s sweaters. They make her itch and it’s the middle of the summer. Dipper can’t understand how Mabel doesn’t pass out from wearing thick sweaters in this heat. One of her skirts would be nice but there’s something she knows Mabel has that she knows she wants to wear. She crawls around on the floor, picking up sweaters and folding them, then throwing the pile on the bed.

 

She puts her hand under Mabel’s bed and feels around a bit, then smiles when her hand brushes over something soft; fabric. She grabs it and tugs at it, pulling it out from under the beds and shaking the dust out of it. It’s a short, light pink dress, with white lace on its hem and sleeves. Their mother made Mabel pack it, even though they all knew Mabel would much rather just wear her sweaters than a boring old dress. She didn’t even bother hanging it up in the closet, she just threw it under her bed when she unpacked.

 

Dipper loves it though. It’s pretty and girly and it’s perfect. She stands up and holds the dress against her, stroking its soft fabric lovingly. It ends just at her knee. She folds the dress up as small as she can, then turns around to raid Mabel’s makeup bag.

 

There isn’t much left of it, seeing as she took most of if to Grenda’s house, but Dipper takes a handful of tubes and pots and shoves them in her pocket.

 

Now she just has to get to the bathroom without anyone noticing her. She keeps the folded up dress in one hand, keeping it behind her back. She sneaks to the bathroom with her back to the wall, praying that no one bumps into her and asks her what’s she’s doing. She manages to get to the bathroom without running into any problems, and she makes sure the door is properly locked this time.

 

She does not want a repeat of the Disco Girl Incident.

 

She walks towards the mirror and puts the dress and makeup down on the dresser. The dress is a tiny bit crinkled, but it’s better than nothing. She takes her hat off and starts undressing, examining her body as she does so. She stares at her bare chest and cringes a bit. A few chest hairs have grown in since the last time she looked over herself and it makes her feel weird. She really doesn’t want them there, and they’re a painful reminder of that time she tried to make herself more manly.

 

She quickly steps out of her shorts and pulls the dress over her head, closing her eyes until most of her body is covered. It’s a tad bit loose around the chest, but other than that it fits perfectly. She takes a step back to get a better look at herself and can’t stop smiling.

 

For the first time in a long time Dipper likes what she sees in the mirror.

 

She reaches for her comb and brushes her hair out, then starts on the makeup. She can’t really figure out how to use most of it. She has a vague idea of how to put on mascara and eyeshadow, but she doesn’t dare try the eyeliner and the eyebrow tweezers are a definite no. She picks up a pan of white, shimmery eyeshadow and starts smearing it on her eyelids with her finger, though she knows she should be using a brush. She remembers Candy saying something to Mabel about only putting it on your eyelid and no where else, so she decides to follow that advice.

 

It’s a bit hard to see, but it makes her eyes look shiny and sparkly. She sets the pan down and picks up the tube of mascara, but she’s a bit more nervous about this one. She stares at the spool anxiously for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to apply it. She leans as close as she can to the mirror and slowly brings the spool up to her eyes lashes, cautiously apply the makeup to her lashes. Her hands shake a bit, because she can forget about that time Mabel nearly poked her eye while giving Dipper one of her impromptu “makeovers”.

 

She manages to successfully apply the mascara without poking herself in the eye. She takes a step back and looks at herself in the mirror again, blinking a few times. She doesn’t look exactly how she’d like to, but she likes it. She smiles at herself and twirls around, smiling as her dress spins with her. She looks… pretty. She looks like a girl.

  



End file.
